its been rough as of late. i am not going to lie. I am in upstate maine (doing various film workshops) until the end of october and all i can think about is all my friends and loved one that i have left behind. It doesnt help that once i get back at the beginning of november, that in two months (january) i will be leaving to head out to new Zealand to work in a TV studio for more or less than four months. Life has done nothing for me as of late but provide me twist and turns but the truth is that i feel most adapt at life when i have no idea what is coming next. i can only hope that these experiences do not keep me from connecting with those around me even though i already know that those ties have been severed. I feel on my own and i am afraid of what i am capable of because the creature within my soul stirs calling for violence. It is because of this that i am somewhat happy that i am gone. There has always been an element to me that wishes nothing more than to deconstruct and dissect all the elements around me, wether i am honest or dishonest. I can not help but pay heed to the tell tale signs of my personality and admit sometimes to myself that my remoteness helps protect those i love from me true self. I feel torn between my nature and acceptance from the society that governs us. We live so subserviently afraid to enact our true god given natures and for this i am forced to apologize. I will not do you anymore disservice than i have already done. Good night and safe keeping. If i am lucky we will meet again.